Encouraging Independence in Children

One of the greatest challenges of rearing and teaching a child is knowing when to back away. Well-meaning parents at times do too much for children because they can't stand to see them become frustrated. They want to help. Parents understandably wish for their child's childhood to be as worry-free as possible. Maybe they want their children to have the childhood they never had.

One of our jobs as parents is to create independent children. Children must learn to make choices at home so that when they are no longer living with their parents they can function independently.

In my work as a college instructor, I have heard other professors state that students' parents call them to complain about a grade their child received in class, or parents are in other ways intruding into territory that the student should be covering themselves. Again, well-meaning parents sometimes try to create a perfect world for their children, but end up enabling them instead.

If we are over-involved in our childrens' lives, we risk completely debilitating their ability to make decisions and to function without us. It is difficult to think about, but someday we won't be here. Our children must learn to make it on their own. Disappointment, frustration, and dealing with difficult situations are part of life. In order to live a full life, children must experience the hard times as well as the easy ones.

This article from PBS Teachers uses original research to convey the importance of self-determination in infancy. The focus is on children with disabilities, but the tips are helpful for all children.